When Worlds Collide: Third Time Lucky?

“Okay, so I know that our first two dates weren’t exactly raging successes, but do you fancy trying again?”  Severus growled down the telephone to Haldir.  “Why not?  What else could go wrong?”  Haldir chuckled in response.  “Let’s not tempt fate, eh?  What would you like to do?”  “I think it’s a good idea to avoid restaurants and my flat.  What about your place?”  “No!  Um, I mean this isn’t the type of place to entertain anyone.”  “The park?”  “Eugh!  All that grass and fresh air…not my cup of tea, really Haldir.  I know a good pub.  Nice and dark and dingy.”  “Sounds great,” Haldir grimaced into the receiver.  “Good, that’s settled then.  What are you doing tonight?” 

“Aw, c’mon Haldir!  We’ll behave ourselves.”  Orophin had been pleading with Haldir to allow him and Rumil to accompany Haldir and Severus on their trip to the pub.  “Orophin, if you think I’m letting you anywhere near my date after the last time…”  “We have to meet him properly sometime.  Besides, we’ll stay for one drink and be on our way.  Don’t you want us to be friends with your boyfriend?”  Rumil attempted his most appealing smile.  “Fine!  One drink then you scarper.  Are you unwell, Rumil?  Do you have toothache?  OW!!!  There was no need for that…behave that way tonight and I’ll tell Legolas that you have the hots for Will.”  Orophin and Rumil exchanged grins and nodded in unison.  “We’ll behave.  We promise.”

Haldir sat with his brothers in the pub.  Severus had been quite accurate with his description of dark and dingy.  There was an aura of stale beer and a fug of old smoke.  Not only that, but it had proved most difficult to find – the three brothers had got lost twice on the way.  Haldir sipped his chardonnay, Orophin drank his rum and coke and Rumil quaffed his pint of Strongbow.  Severus stepped into the bar, shook the rain from his cloak and strode over to the Elves.  “You brought your brothers.”  It wasn’t a question.  Haldir smiled apologetically and replied, “Yes.  They thought they should meet you properly.  Don’t worry, they’re meeting a friend.  They won’t stay long.”  Severus shrugged.  Rumil jumped to his feet, offering Severus his chair.  “Can I get you a drink, Severus?”  He asked.  “Antiquary – no ice.”  Severus sat while Rumil went to the bar.  “Make sure it’s the 21 year old!”  Severus shouted to the barman.

Orophin eyeballed Severus.  Severus gave Orophin a stony glare.  Orophin drew back his lips and snarled at Severus.  Severus growled at Orophin.  “Um, excuse me…don’t mean to interrupt, but the sign above the bar says ‘no dogfights’.  Hah-hah.”  Haldir tried to break the ice.  Orophin and Severus both turned to sneer at Haldir.  “Nice one brother, but it’s more like this…”  Haldir sneered back at Orophin.  “So, Severus” Rumil began.  “Haldir tells us that you’re a wizard?”  Severus nodded, “That is correct.”  “Yeah, but not a proper one like Mithrandir, though.”  Severus peered at Rumil over his glass.  “What my brother means is that you’re a different kind of wizard to Mithrandir.”  Haldir kicked Rumil’s shin under the table.  “When are you leaving?”  Haldir hissed to Rumil.  Rumil checked his watch and looked towards the door.  “Our friend should be arriving very soon.  Assuming he can find this dump.”  Orophin leaned over to Haldir and whispered loudly enough for Severus to overhear, “I don’t like him.  He looks very shifty.”  Severus took to glowering at Orophin.  “There he is!”  Rumil exclaimed and pointed to the door.  Haldir looked up.  “Oh no!”

Erestor walked over.  “Rumil, Orophin nice to see you again.”  He kissed the brothers lightly on the cheeks.  “Haldir.  Very nice to see you again.”  He purred and trailed his hand over Haldir’s shoulders.  “I haven’t seen you in a lifetime.  How are you keeping?”  Haldir shuddered and mumbled tersely, “Fine, thank you.”  Inwardly he fumed at his brothers; how dare they do this to him.  “You look wonderful, Erestor.  You haven’t aged a day in the last two thousand years!”  Orophin gushed, pulling over another chair.  “I know we said we’d go once you arrived, but I’m sure you’ll want to join us for drink, won’t you Erestor?”  Erestor elegantly dropped onto the seat.  “Tell me, Haldir…who is your new friend?”  “You noticed me, then?”  Severus grumbled.  “This is Severus Snape.  Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Severus, this is Erestor.  Chief Councillor of the House of Elrond, Imladris.”  The two pale figures stared at each other.  “A wizard, eh?”  “Yes, what of it?”  Severus drawled.  “Nothing.  Nothing at all.  But not a proper wizard, like Mithrandir.”  Erestor gave a coy little smile as Haldir looked at Severus and shook his head.  “I see your tastes haven’t changed, dear heart.”  Erestor turned to Haldir.  “You always did like us dark haired lovers.” 

Haldir thought Severus’ head was going to explode.  Things were beginning to take an unfortunate turn.  Erestor had started to reminisce about his affair with Haldir – including the story about the pink blancmange, the feather boa and the stuffed penguin.  Haldir had gone from slightly flushed to bright red.  His embarrassment was eclipsed only by the hilarity from his brothers.  Severus did not look amused.  “Oh Haldir, honey!  Do you remember the time that you, me and the twins were skinny-dipping?  It was magical…I think we all saw stars that night!”  “I’ve heard enough,” Severus shot to his feet.  “Thank you for a most revealing night, Erestor.  Clearly you are not the man – elf – whatever – I took you to be Haldir.  I bid you goodnight.”  And with that, Severus stormed out of the pub.  Haldir’s jaw dropped.  He gave his brothers and Erestor a venomous look and chased after Severus, getting to the door just in time to see him hail a taxi and get in. 

Haldir walked back to their table, his shoulders drooping.  Orophin and Rumil did not look at him.  They were too ashamed.  “We’re sorry, Haldir.”  Orophin ventured, and walked away.  Haldir just sighed.  “Oh for goodness sake!  Stop being such drama queens!”  Erestor stood and wrapped his arms around Haldir’s shoulders and peppered his brow with kisses.  “It’s not that bad, dear heart.  You still have me.”  Erestor hooked a finger under Haldir’s chin and lifted his head.  “He’s really not your type at all.  Remember all the fun we used to have?  Wouldn’t you like to have it all again?”  Erestor caressed Haldir’s lips with his thumb.  “Come, let me take you home and I’ll kiss it all better.”  Haldir allowed himself to be pulled from the pub into a waiting taxi.  In the back of the cab, Erestor pulled Haldir close and kissed him gently.  “I’ll make you forget you ever met Severus Snape, Potions Master and pretend wizard.”  Haldir looked into Erestor’s eyes, nodded dumbly and returned his kiss.

The end