When Worlds Collide

“Yeah, hi!  Its Haldir here.  Just wondered if you fancied meeting up sometime?”  Haldir shook his head.  “Hello, Severus.  May I take you out to dinner this weekend?”  He groaned.  “Hey Severus – if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”  Bang!  Bang!!  Haldir hit himself in the head with the ‘phone.  “No good – no good at all!”  He wailed.  He heard a knock on his door.  “Go away, I’m busy!”  “Busy doing what?  All we can hear is mumbling and wailing.”  “I’m on the ‘phone!”  Haldir shouted.  “No you’re not, you’ve not even dialled yet.”  Orophin had opened the door and joined his brother on the bed.  “Plucking up courage, eh?”  “What am I supposed to say?  I mean, I hardly know him…we were drunk, I told him I fancied him then we fell asleep.  Not to mention the awkwardness the next morning…”  Haldir took to groaning again.  “Yeah, it was pretty awkward.”  Orophin agreed.  “I told you not to mention that.”  Haldir smiled, grimly.  “C’mon brother, its not as if you’ve never asked anyone out before.”  “This is different – I like him.  And I’m really shy!”  Orophin blinked a few times then burst out laughing.  “You?  Shy?  Oh Haldir, you really are too much.”  Orophin stood and walked to the door.  “Just ‘phone him.  It’ll be fine.  Really.”

Haldir’s hand trembled slightly as he dialled the number Severus had left him.  He felt he had waited the required amount of time before calling him.  He didn’t want to appear too eager – he also wanted his eyebrows to grow back before venturing out into the public eye.  The line rang.  He was just about to hang up when he heard a voice answer.  “Hello, Severus Snape.  Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House.  What do you want?”  Haldir’s stomach lurched at familiar drawl.  “H-hello Severus.  Its Haldir.  Um, how’re you?”

Severus had been reading when his telephone rang.  He tutted at the interruption, lifted the receiver and gave his customary greeting.  “Hello, Severus Snape.  Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House.  What do you want?”  He was momentarily startled to hear Haldir on the other end of the line.  “Haldir.  So nice to hear from you.  I’m very well.  Yourself?  Ah, good to hear.  I’m glad you called, actually.  I have tickets to an outdoor concert, picnic-type thing and wondered if you’d like to join me?  You would?  Splendid.  Saturday afternoon, starts at four.  I can pick you up if you’d like, its practically on my way.  Great!  I will look forward to it, see you then.  Oh and Haldir?  How are the eyebrows doing?”  Severus suppressed a giggle and replaced the receiver.  “Oh bugger.”  He said, aloud.  “Where the bloody hell am I supposed to get tickets for an outdoor concert, picnic-type thing that just happens to be taking place on Saturday afternoon!?”  He thumped his desk.  “Bloody bollocks!”

“I have a date!  I have a date!  Saturday night – I have a date!”  Haldir sang as he showered.  Haldir had been singing that all day – whilst he was preparing breakfast, when he went to get the newspaper, as he emptied his wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit.  “That singing has to stop.  He’s such a pain when he’s in a good mood.  I think I prefer him surly and sneering.”  Rumil commented to Orophin.  “Snurkle is not a word.”  Rumil peered at the Scrabble board.  “Yes it is – I snurkled just the other day.”  Orophin insisted.  “Okay then, what does it mean?”  “Well…its like…”  Orophin was saved by Haldir, wafting into the room.  “How do I look?”  “Truly you are a vision to behold, brother!  Give us a twirl!”  Haldir spun around, showing off his perfect outfit.  “I’m glad to see you’ve stopped snurkling!”  Haldir looked at Orophin.  “What?”  “Ignore him,”  Rumil said.  “He’s cheating at Scrabble again.  You look fantastic, brother.  I’m sure tonight will be perfect for you.”  Haldir heard the beeping of the taxi’s horn.  “Don’t wait up!”  He called as he rushed out the door.

“Good evening, Haldir.  I trust you are well?  I see the eyebrows are back.”  Severus grinned at Haldir, holding the door of the taxi open.  Haldir frowned at Severus as he climbed into the car.  “Very well, thank you.  I wasn’t sure if I should bring you a gift of not, so I got you this.”  He held out his hand to Severus.  “It’s a pen.”  “Yes, I thought it would come in handy with all that homework you have to mark.”  “It says ‘Tropical Tan, 54 High Street’.”  “Um, yes…I thought you looked a little peaky.”  Haldir blushed.  He had grabbed the pen from the telephone table behind the front door on his way out.  He wished now that he hadn’t.  He grinned at Severus.  “Thanks.”  Severus tucked the pen away into a hidden pocket in his black robe.  “Slight change of plan, Haldir.  Turns out the outdoor concert, picnic-thing was last weekend so I’ve made reservations at a restaurant instead.  I trust this is agreeable?”  Haldir nodded.  He was just happy to be spending time with Severus.

Haldir and Severus stood outside the restaurant.  The Happy Guppy.  Haldir held the door open for Severus and the two of them entered.  Red and white checked, plastic table cloths adorned the tables.  Fabric flowers in glass jars sat on top of the tables, alongside the ubiquitous wax covered Chianti bottles with a flickering red candle.  A grubby-looking waiter showed them to their table and gave them both a menu.  “Special tonight is cod and chips.  Soup of the day is cullen skink.”  The waiter ambled away.  “Nice place,” Haldir coughed slightly as he was enveloped by a cloud of pipe smoke blown his way from the table behind.  “Yes.  I hope you enjoy seafood?”  Severus found his hand was resting in a sticky spot.  “Shall we order wine?”  “Please!”  Haldir wondered if he sounded a little too eager.  “I believe white goes well with fish.”  He added.

The food turned out to be surprisingly good.  Haldir and Severus chatted throughout the meal.  Severus told Haldir about his younger days – leaving out the bad parts – and Haldir told Severus about trees, mostly.  All in all, they were having a most pleasant evening.  Until Haldir said, “I think I may have had a little too much wine.  I don’t feel all that well.”  Severus raised an eyebrow.  “We’ve barely had two bottles.  I seem to remember you drinking far more than that at the party.  Are you sure it’s the wine?”  Haldir belched, loudly.  Then hiccoughed.  “I warned you not to have the prawns.  I mean, did you see the state of the waiter?  You look a little green…are you alright?”  Severus was becoming quite concerned for Haldir’s wellbeing although not as concerned as Haldir was, who at that moment felt somewhat nauseous.  “I – uh – excuse me!”  Haldir leapt up from the table so fast that his chair toppled backwards.  The pipe-smoking man turned and tutted at the blur hurrying past him. 

Haldir moaned and groaned, belched and hiccoughed all the way home in the taxi.  Severus asked the driver to wait and helped Haldir up the stairs.  “Next time Severus, I choose the restaurant.”  Haldir felt quite faint by the time he had reached his door.  Severus took his key and opened up.  Haldir felt a familiar twinge in his guts and once more dashed off.  Orophin and Rumil stuck their heads out of their bedroom door.  “Is something amiss with our brother?”  Orophin looked menacingly at Severus.  “Bad prawns.”  Severus shrugged.  The toilet flushed and Haldir poked his head around the door.  “Thanks for seeing me home, Severus.  I’m very sorry that I’ve ruined our evening.”  Severus smiled kindly at Haldir.  “I should have chosen a better restaurant.  Like you say – your choice next time.”  “You want there to be a next time?”  Severus smiled again and nodded.  “Of course.  Call me when you feel better.”  “I will.  Oops!  Excuse me!”  Haldir slammed the bathroom door shut.  Rumil looked amused.  Orophin narrowed his eyes and scowled at Severus.  Severus practically scampered for the door, pulling it shut behind him.  Orophin looked at Rumil.  Rumil looked back at Orophin.  Both were struggling to contain their mirth.  The toilet flushed again and Haldir crawled out of the bathroom.  “I’m going to bed.”  His brothers watched him make his way to his bedroom before disappearing into their own, screaming with laughter.  “It could only happen to Haldir!”  Rumil howled as he closed the door.

The end