The Mis-Adventures of Orophin and Rumil: Up In Smoke

“Now, have you got everything?  Passports, tickets, change of underwear?”  Haldir asked his brothers.  “Yes!  We’re not children y’know!  We’re more than capable of looking after ourselves!”  Rumil retorted.  Haldir raised an eyebrow.  “Really?  Remember that time we went to Spain and you forgot to pack any clothes?”  Rumil blushed.  “Yes…but it never happened again, did it?”  Orophin shook his head.  “I didn’t forget to pack.  Don’t tar me with the same brush, brother.”  “Sorry, Orophin.  You’re quite right.  You didn’t forget to pack clothes.  You just forgot to take your luggage.”  This time, Orophin blushed.  A horn sounded outside.  “There’s our taxi.  See ya, Haldir!”  Orophin and Rumil hugged their brother goodbye. 

Orophin and Rumil sat in the departures lounge.  Their flight was – so far – on time and due to be taking off in around thirty minutes.  “I can’t wait!”  Rumil gushed for the umpteenth time.  “Calm yourself.”  Orophin patted his arm.  He too was excited about their trip, but his nerves over flying overshadowed that excitement.  Rumil looked at him sympathetically.  “You really hate flying, don’t you?”  Orophin nodded.  “Ever since that time with the Eagle…”  He shuddered.  Rumil wrapped his arm around his brother’s shoulders in a show of brotherly support.  “Lucky its only a short flight, eh?”  He grinned.  At that point, an announcement came over the tannoy.  It was time for them to board.

“You okay?”  Orophin nodded.  “Sure?”  Orophin nodded again.   He had tried to read.  He had tried to sleep.  He had tried playing “I-Spy”.  Nothing worked.  Nothing had taken his mind off the fact that they were thousands of feet in the air, suspended over wide open sea.  Orophin felt his breathing speed up.  “Can Elves actually hyperventilate?”  Rumil asked, attempting to soothe his brother through the use of humour.  Orophin rolled his eyes, desperately wishing they would quickly arrive at their destination. 

Rumil nudged his brother, who had finally managed to drop off to sleep.  “We’re coming into land.”  Orophin opened his eyes, blinked a few times then looked the window.  “Aaaah, this is my favourite part.  I really love the landing here, its so smooth.”  Orophin relaxed, ready to enjoy his holiday now that the flight was over.  The aeroplane touched down on the runway.  They had to stay where they were for the next twenty minutes as it taxied to the terminal building.  Finally it rolled to a halt.  The passengers all scrambled to get off the ‘plane.  The two brothers walked as quickly as they could along the walkways to get to the luggage reclaim.  They watched as suitcases, bags, rucksacks and a couple of sets of golf clubs went past on the conveyor belt.  Finally they spotted their own, grabbed it and made their way through customs to the main concourse.

“Welkom aan Amsterdam!”  “What did she say?”  Rumil asked.  “I think she said, ‘Welcome to Amsterdam’.”  Orophin replied.  Rumil shook his head.  “Makes sense I suppose.  So, whaddya wanna do first?”  Orophin had just bought their train tickets to take them from Schipol airport into the centre of Amsterdam.  “Get on the train?”  He suggested.  Rumil nodded enthusiastically, excited to be there.  They sat on the train, silently looking at the unfamiliar land as it flew past the window.  Rumil had suggested that he and his brother take a trip to Amsterdam.  Actually, Rumil suggested it roughly every year, but for once Orophin had agreed and now the two of them were finally there.  The train pulled into Amsterdam Centraal and they alighted.  They made their way through the station and exited the front door into the bustling city.  Despite it still being relatively early, there were people everywhere.  And cars.  And bicycles.  And trams.  And busses.  Orophin grabbed Rumil as he attempted to cross the road.  “Have a care!  Bicycles and traffic may stop for you, but a tram stops for no-one.  Please, try not to injure yourself.  And don’t fall in any canals, either!”  Rumil motioned for his brother to lead the way.

The pair walked up Damrak admiring the buildings.  Rumil suddenly stopped dead.  “What’s wrong?”  Orophin asked.  “Se-se-se-se…..”  Rumil’s mouth gaped.  He pointed to a sign.  The sign said, “Sex Museum”.  Orophin grinned.  “Maybe later.  I need some breakfast.  C’mon.  Lets go up here.”  He lead Rumil up a side lane and into another busy street.  Orophin strode purposefully along the cobbled street.  Rumil tried to follow, but was distracted by all the sights along the way.  It was obvious that this was a shopping street and all the shop looked fairly ordinary, but he was still captivated by the exoticness of it all.  “Axi-Schoen.  Blokker.  Etos.”  He said the names aloud as he passed them.  “This looks like a good place, what do you think?”  Orophin pointed.  “Outmeyers.”  Rumil read, then nodded.  “Okay.”  Rumil went to find them a table and Orophin placed their order.  He sat down with his brother, “They’ll bring it over.”  Rumil pulled out his guide to Amsterdam.  “I want to go to the Heineken Experience, The Rijksmuseum, Anne Frank’s House, Artis Zoo, the Flower Market and the Palace.”  Orophin looked at him, “Really?”  He was surprised.  He had expected that Rumil was so keen to visit Amsterdam for the other attractions it held.  Rumil peered over his book and grinned.  “No!  I want to go to a coffee shop, visit a sex show and hire a prostitute!”  The waitress had just arrived.  She slammed their plates and mugs down on the table.  Orophin smiled sweetly at her and said, “Dank u wel.”  The waitress’ scowl disappeared, and she replied, “Alsjeblieft.”  Rumil narrowed his eyes at his brother.

Now that they had eaten, they were ready for some sightseeing.  They just had one job to take care of first – find their hotel and dump their luggage.  “Its just along here.”  Orophin pointed.  “How do you know?”  “The sign says ‘Damstraat’ and look here,” he pointed.  “Our itinerary says ‘Damstraat’.  Fancy that!  Therefore if we walk up this street we should get to our hotel…and there it is.”  Rumil frowned at his brother, then followed him into the hotel.  Once Orophin had got them checked in and they had found their room, Rumil flopped down on the bed.  “Seriously, I don’t just want to get wasted and shag whores.”  Orophin looked up from unpacking.  “No?”  Rumil shook his head.  “Gets boring after a while.  I’d like to take in a bit of culture.  Tomorrow.  Today I want to get wasted and shag whores.”  Rumil laughed.

Orophin lead his brother down a side street – Rumil thought that Amsterdam was nothing but side streets!  Orophin pointed, “There.”  Rumil looked at the sign.  “Abraxas.  Pretty sign.”  “You have to promise to behave yourself, Rumil.  We’ll go in and have a couple of games of chess and maybe a bit of a smoke.  But only if you promise to behave.”  Rumil sombrely agreed.  “Come on then.  I’ll go to the bar.  You go upstairs to the grow room.  We can have a quiet game up there.  Off you go.”  Rumil scampered up the stairs.  Like most buildings in Amsterdam, the stairs were narrow and numerous.  He finally reached the top floor and looked around.  He was the only one there, so all was quiet.  Along the back wall he saw a glass enclosed display with plants and lights.  Oh!  Grow room – that’s what Orophin had said.  That meant that this was – “Great plants, eh?  They grow their own.”  Orophin grinned.  “How do you know that?”  Orophin shrugged.  “Read it on the internet.  Let’s play.”  Rumil set up the chess board while Orophin skinned up a joint.  He stuck it between his lips, lit it then inhaled deeply.  Rumil watched and groaned.  “The last time I did that…”  He closed his eyes and thought for a moment.  “Haldir’s 6243^rd begetting day.  Remember?  We had that cholocate cake?  Turned out it wasn’t chocolate cake…it was something that the Twins had whipped up as a surprise.”  He took the joint from Orophin and chuckled at the memory.  Orophin took up where Rumil had trailed off.  “I remember.  That was the year that Mithrandir claims to have invented the bong, wasn’t it?”  Rumil nodded, slowly exhaling the fragrant smoke.  “Yeah, although I seem to recall that Mithrandir also claimed to have invented the television, the internal combustion engine and cheese so we probably can’t rely on what he says.”  Orophin and Rumil looked at each other and giggled.  The giggles turned into chuckles and the chuckles into full-blown guffaws.

Empty cola bottles littered their table, the chess game had been forgotten about and now they felt more than a little hungry.  Rumil put away the chess pieces.  “Want to go and get some food?”  He asked his brother.  Orophin nodded.  They walked carefully down the stairs.  Orophin took the chess set from Rumil and went to return it.  Rumil waited outside for him.  “See you later, Orophin!”  A voice cried.  Rumil looked puzzled.  “How did he know your name?”  “I had to give them my passport before they would give me the chess set.”  Rumil shrugged.  “Do you know what I’d really, really like to eat?”  Orophin shook his head.  “Fries and mayo…yummy!”  “I know just the place, then.”  Orophin pulled his brother along.  “How?”  Orophin looked back.  “We passed it earlier.”  Rumil shoved his brother’s hand away and trotted along side him.  He was really hungry.  He wanted fries, and maybe a pancake, followed by some cheese…he was starving.  They came to a halt outside a shop.  “This doesn’t look like a shop.”  Rumil looked around.  There were small hatches all over the walls with various food stuffs inside.  “You put a coin in the slot and take what you want.  Look, if you want a kroket, you stick a coin in here and lift the flap.”  Orophin demonstrated.  Rumil peered at the kroket then watched as his brother took a bite.  “Hmmm…de lekkerste!”  Rumil meanwhile had made his way over to the counter and had ordered his fries.

“So, what clichéd thing would you like to get up to now?”  Orophin asked as they walked along the side of the Singel.  Rumil pondered.  “I’d rather like to see the red light district.  What about you?”  A naughty smile graced his lips.  “Okay, this way.”  Orophin lead them towards the infamous area of Amsterdam.  Rumil kept making small squeaking sounds of excitement.  “Brother – remember what I told you.  You have to behave yourself.  Besides, it’s not as if you’ve never seen a partially clothed woman before.”  Rumil was practically drooling.  “Is it the first time you’ve ever seen a partially clothed woman, Rumil?”  Orophin tried to look stern, but failed.  They both grinned.  Finally, Orophin lead them down a narrow alleyway to a cobble-lined street.  The pair of them wandered along, admiring the architecture.  At least, Orophin was admiring the architecture.  Rumil on the other hand was gabbling.  “Boobs!  Everywhere!  Boobs!”  He grabbed his brother’s arm and pointed.  “Look – boobs there and there and there!  Just naked boobs!”  Orophin stopped in his tracks, grabbed Rumil’s shoulders and spun him around.  There were in fact not boobs everywhere.  They were very tastefully displayed behind glass fronted doors.  With curtains (for privacy).   “Rumil, there are not boobs everywhere.  You merely think there are boobs everywhere.  If you carry on like this, you’ll get us into serious trouble.”  Rumil was trembling.  “So many…”  Orophin shook his head.  “I think we’d better go back to the hotel.”

“Orophin!  Orophin!”  A feminine voice called.  Rumil looked around.  “Someone’s calling you, brother.”  “No – they’re not.”  Orophin picked up the pace.  “Orophin!  Wait!”  There was a clatter of heals on cobbles and a hand landed on his shoulder.  He slowly turned.  “Oh Orophin – it is you!”  The girl beamed and flung her arms around him.  Orophin gulped.  Rumil gawped.  “I’m so glad to see you!  Just wait till I tell the girls you’re back.  You will come and see us, won’t you?  Oh!  Who’s this?”  She leaned over and ruffled Rumil’s hair.  Rumil smiled coyly and said, “Yes Orophin.  Please introduce us, brother.”  Orophin coughed and blushed.  The girl frowned.  “You never told us you had a brother, ‘Phin…”  Orophin turned redder.  “What’s going on, Orophin?”  Rumil demanded.

To be continued…

The Mis-Adventures of Orophin and Rumil: Up In Smoke 2

Notes:  Yeah, okay so its transparently obvious that I love Amsterdam!  Abraxas is a real coffeeshop (and yes - I have played chess there.  I even won!!) and so is Outmeyers.  If you ever go, get some cheesy bread from Outmeyers - de lekkerste!  The shop with the food in is Febo (they are numerous!).  The Red Light District is extremely tasteful, but yes there are some boobs on display.  My husband enjoyed that!  Finally - Amsterdam is not just about drugs and prostitution, it is a place rich in culture and art as is the whole of the Netherlands.  If you ever get the chance, you should go there.  Its simply wonderful.