Remembering the Past

After his meeting with Dave, Haldir felt slightly disconcerted.  Feelings of guilt, which had been long buried, clawed their way to the surface of his mind, coupled with the emotional impact seeing an old lover had given Haldir a sleepless night.  By the early hours of the morning, Haldir had given up trying to sleep and found himself sitting in a comfy chair gently stroking Flora’s soft fur. 

“At least you’re content.”  He murmured, tickling her ear. 

Dave fared no better.  Sleep had not come easily to him either.  He had never forgotten what Haldir had done to him but he had not consciously thought about it in many, many years.  Once the initial hurt had lessened, Dave started to understand why his lover had made the decision to betray him.  Once he started to understand, he began to forgive.  While he could never justify Haldir’s actions, he had decided long ago to forgive them.  Dave knew that carrying around that sort of bitterness would only destroy him in the end, so he had tried to let it go and for a long time succeeded.  Now, however seeing Haldir again, the hurt and betrayal and bitterness threatened to bubble up once more.

The day finally dawned for both, sleepless Elves.  Haldir pottered around in his cottage, unpacking those last few boxes and arranging his home so it was just the way he wanted it.  He ate a leisurely breakfast in the garden and watched Flora chase butterflies and bees.  It was a beautiful day and his garden was in full bloom, but to Haldir it was as though a large, black thundercloud had taken up residence over his head.  No amount of sunshine and flowers could cut through his gloomy mood.  He decided to call the one person who would understand how he felt, the one who had initially helped him come to terms with what he had done – his brother, Orophin.

Orophin picked up on the third ring and although Haldir desperately wished to speak to him, he could not find his voice.  He struggled with what to say, with how to start the conversation.  In the end, he hung up.  Aside from himself and Dave, Orophin was the only one who knew what had happened.  As far as others were concerned, Haldir and Dave had fallen out and split up.  The morning after, when he had sobered up, the truth of his actions had hit Haldir hard.  Orophin found him, curled up in his bed weeping and asked him what was wrong.  Haldir told Orophin the whole sorry tale and when he was finished, Orophin held him allowing his brother to cry and sob as much as he needed.  To his credit, Orophin did not once criticise Haldir’s actions nor judge him, he merely held him, rocking him and stroking his back.  When Haldir finally fell asleep, Orophin covered him and left, only to return when Haldir awoke and recommenced weeping.

In the months that followed Haldir found himself longing to speak to Dave, but his shame did now allow it.  Once or twice he had even sat down at the table to compose a letter however words were not enough to express Haldir’s sorrow and guilt.  Haldir became withdrawn, avoiding all with the exception of Orophin.  Days were long but the nights were longer and more than once, Orophin spent the night comforting his broken brother.

Dave on the other hand, did not have anyone to lend him comfort and support.  He had to cope with everything on his own.  The night he spent in the cells was awful and the fine had been hefty, but any humiliation he felt was nothing in comparison to the constant ache in his chest.  Haldir’s act of betrayal had made Dave feel as though his heart had been ripped out.  Dave also avoided seeing his friends in favour of isolation.  He instructed his housekeeper to turn away all visitors and destroy all newspapers.  He didn’t want to know what went on in the outside world; all he wanted was for it all to have been a terrible, terrible dream from which he would wake up at any moment.

After a few months, Dave yearned to see and speak to Haldir again, but it was obvious that the other Elf wanted nothing to do with him.  He had received no letters, no messages from Haldir.  Haldir’s lack of contact hurt more than his selfish act.  Despite his pain, Dave had thought deep down that Haldir would come to call, to try to make some sort of apology or request for forgiveness but he never did.  Over time, Dave realised that his waiting was in vain and decided to move as far away from the city – and Haldir - as possible.  So he chose a small out of the way village, paid his housekeeper off and moved. 

Around the same time that Dave made his choice, Haldir also reached a decision.  It had been long enough.  He had to see Dave.  He didn’t know what he would say but hoped that the words would come to him when he saw Dave.  He used the walk to Dave’s house to try and organise his thoughts.  He reached the foot of the steps that lead up to Dave’s front door and noticed – to his shock and dismay – that there were no curtains in the window.  He ran up the steps and pulled the bell cord.  When he received no answer, he beat his fists on the door, crying out Dave’s name.  He ignored the disgusted looks from passers-by and continued to hammer on the door, uncaring that he made a spectacle of himself.  He only stilled his fists when he felt a hand come down upon his shoulder.  He turned to see Dave’s neighbour peering at him, sympathetically.  The man shook his head sadly and Haldir knew it was all in vain – Dave had gone.

Dave’s life in the village had been much as he had described to Haldir when they met in the grocer’s shop; quiet, comfortable and happy.  The villagers had been surprised when an Elf moved in, but for the most part as long as Dave didn’t cause any trouble they were happy to live and let live.  Folks who had been children when Dave arrived in the village grew into adults and had children of their own, who then grew up to have their own children.  Dave became a permanent – and much adored – figure in the community, known and accepted by all.  No-one here knew of his past and after a few decades, no-one thought to ask about his life before the village.  Only Dave knew.  And now that Haldir moved into the village, he would have to confront that past.

To take his mind off the past, Haldir decided to repaint his front door.  He had brought with him a large pot of poppy red paint for just that purpose.  Since it was a pleasant day, he tied back his hair, dressed in a pair of loose fitting trousers and a loose fitting shirt and stepped onto the step with the paint and a brush.  The last person he expected to see striding purposefully up his path was Dave, so he almost dropped the pot when he saw that very Elf heading towards him.

“Dave!  Um, hi.”  Haldir was unaccustomed to feeling nervous but the sudden appearance of Dave made his palms sweat and his mouth dry up. 

“Haldir…I’ve been thinking.  We um…we need to talk.”  Haldir nodded and invited Dave over the threshold.

TBC