NAQs (Never Asked Questions)

Okay, no-one's actually asked these questions, but just in case you're too shy, here are some answers to Never Asked Questions:

Q.    What?  Elves?  Why Elves?

A.    Have you never seen Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings movies?  Have you never read any of the fantastic fan fiction out there?  Why???  Because they're sexy - that's why!

Q.    Okay, so they're sexy.  Why aren't they living in the woods or up trees?

A.    Ah, well that's not such an easy question to answer.  The simple answer would be 'I don't know'.  It all started with A Fictional Party which I wrote for a laugh for my friend, Lauren.  From there I wrote A Fictional Party 2: The Elf and the Pirate.  She liked them both and encouraged me to publish them.  To be honest, I'm a bit shy so didn't just want to start crashing message boards, posting my own brand of crap, so with the help of my hubby I built a website and wrote a few more.  The reason that they live in a flat?  Again, I'm not sure.  I just kinda pictured them as ordinary folks, living ordinary lives they just happen to be fictional characters.  They're aware of their fictional status (hmmm.....influenced by the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, 'Ship in a Bottle'?  Perhaps) but they just get on with life.  I love the idea of them all doing really mundane stuff like washing dishes, looking after their pal's dog, going shopping in Tesco and reading The Sun.

Q.    Where do they live then?

A.    Another good question.  When I started writing, I envisaged them living in a big, bustling city.  Being a Scottish lass I really wanted them to live somewhere like Edinburgh or preferably Glasgow (definitely not Dundee!).  Never having read any of the Harry Potter books, <gasp!> I presumed that Hogwarts was somewhere 'down south' so presumed that my Elves would be living in London.  I have since been informed that Hogwarts is apparently somewhere in Scotland - which would make sense - and so I am now back to thinking they're in Scotland.  I suppose, logically the Elves should be living in New Zealand, but since I don't know anything about New Zealand - or logic!!! - the stories are definitely set in the UK. 

Q.    What do your family and friends think about this website?

A.    My husband has been very supportive and despite his dislike of reading Elf slash has read every story on my site.  My mother knows of it's existence and that it's about Elves, but that's it.  My father-in-law has actually visited the site, but I'm not really sure what he thought of it.  Hopefully he was drunk and now can't remember any of it!  As for my friends, well I have told most of my friends about it.  There are mixed reactions.  My best friend seems to be encouraging me (and not just because I promised her she could publish some of her stories here!) and a few other close friends have also supported me.  My friends at work just think I'm nuts.  No change there.

Q.    When are we gonna see some hot Elf sex?

A.    As soon as I can build up the courage to write a sex scene.  It's so much more difficult that I would've thought!!!

Q.    Are you going to write proper stories, or just stick to attempts at humour?

A.    Attempts?  You mean they're not funny?  Hmmm.....again I'll have to say that I just don't know.  When I sit down to write them, they just happen.  At the moment, I seem to be writing two series which run concurrently.  Who knows what the future holds?

Q.    How many stories will you write?

A.    As many as I can before I get bored or lose the creative urge.

Q.    Do you like receiving feedback?

A.    I've read loads of fanfic over the past few months and never used to send feedback.  Since I started writing myself, I've learned to really appreciate it.  I have now started to feedback to others.  So yes - please do send me feedback, good or bad.

Q.    I'm sorry...did you say Dave?  Dave the Elf?  WTF???  That's not a very Elvish name now, is it?

A.    Yeah, okay so granted, Dave isn't the most Elvish name in the world but frankly I suck at making up Elvish names.  I did try to use one of the name generators to be found, but I wasn't satisfied with the result.  Besides, there is a bit of a story behind his name.  Ready?  There are a few reasons he is named Dave.  Firstly, I once asked my hubby (David) "If you were an Elf, what would you call yourself?"  He said "Dave."  Doh!  Never ask my husband anything that requires any amount of imagination!!!  A while later, after some hunting (and dragging poor hubby all over town) I managed to get the Elves of Middle-Earth set of Elves.  My friend, Sara came over to my house that evening and she and I took them out of their box (naughty!) and of course, played with them.  There was one random, nameless Elvish warrior, so between us we decided that he needed a name.  And that name was...Dave.  With me so far?  Good.  Fast forward about three weeks and I was chatting to a friend, whom I decided would make an excellent Elf (hmmm....he's quite tasty).  His name?  Take a guess...yes!  Dave!!!  So, when I decided to make an original Elvish character for my fics, he of course had to be named, Dave.  His surname, Nierion means 'Son of Bee'.  He keeps bees.....yes I know!  I told you - I'm crap at making up names.

Q.    Why no artwork or pictures?

A.    I can't draw or Photoshop.  But if anyone would like to send me stuff, it would be appreciated!

Q.    Aren't you a bit sad, really?

A.    Probably, but then that's nothing new.

Q.    It's a load of old bollocks, isn't it?

A.    Absolutely - and that's half the fun!