The Mis-Adventures of Orophin and Rumil: Dressed to Thrill

"What are you wearing, Rumil?"  Haldir choked when he saw his brother dressed in a skimpy black dress, fishnet stockings and black leather, thigh-high boots.  Rumil twirled, his dress flared up and showed off his frilly knickers.  "Like it?  I borrowed the dress from Arwen.  I think I look simply stunning.  Can't wait to see Orophin."  As if on cue, Orophin walked out of the bathroom.  He looked a picture of sobriety - he was dressed as a vicar.  He bowed his head solemnly at Haldir.  "We're a tart and a vicar!"  Rumil exclaimed.  "Yes, I can see that.  But why are you a tart and a vicar?"  "For Celeborn and Galadriel's party.  The invitation said fancy dress..."  Orophin trailed off, seeing Haldir's baffled expression.  Haldir blinked once, twice and collapsed into gales of laughter.

Haldir was still sniggering as the three brothers piled into the taxi.  Rumil wavered between rage and tearful humiliation.  Orophin was glad he'd chosen to be the vicar - all he had to do to make himself look presentable was remove his dog collar.  He still looked a little odd in his black robes, but at least he didn't look like a tart.  "Fancy dress..."  Haldir giggled.  "Why did you think I was wearing a tuxedo?"  "I thought you were James Bond."  Rumil mumbled.  Haldir broke into fresh laughter.  "You foolish Elf!"  Rumil groaned.

The three of them arrived at the swanky hotel ballroom and looked around.  A strange sight greeted them - half of the guests wore ballgowns, tuxedos even kilts.  The other half consisted of cowboys, spacemen, clowns (complete with mis-matched socks) and other assorted characters.  In the middle of the room, Celeborn and Galadriel clutched each other for support, howling and laughing.  Haldir strode over.  "What is going on?"  He hissed at the hysterical Lord and Lady.  Galadriel pointed at Celeborn.  He...he...he..."  She hiccoughed.  Celeborn took over.  "Ha-ih-ha!  We couldn't decide what kind - hah-hah - of party to have."  He paused to wipe tears from his eyes.  His hysteria started anew.  "Galadriel wanted formal dress, I wanted costumes, so I...I..."  He slapped his leg and waved his hand to show he was unable to continue.  Galadriel stepped in.  "He intercepted the invitations before they were sent out and changed half of them to fancy rather than formal dress.  You remember what a prankster my husband is."  Galadriel gave a delicate titter, then joined her husband in hearty guffaws.  Haldir shook his head.  He looked at their outfits.  Galadriel was as beautiful as always in a flowing, white dress.  Celeborn however, wore a long grey robe with a red line down the front.  "Like my costume?"  He asked Haldir.  "What are you meant to be?"  Celeborn held up a rubber knife and made stabbing motions at Haldir.  "'Eeh!  Eeh!  Eeh!"  He screeched.  Haldir looked puzzled.  Celeborn sighed.  "I'm a cycle path!"  Once more, Celeborn and Galadriel became incoherent with laughter.

Rumil had relaxed when he realised that he wasn't the only one in fancy dress and Orophin had donned his dog collar again.  Rumil chuckled at all the strange sights.  One of the oddest was the twins.  One looked stiff and uncomfortable in an evening suit; the other looked as if he had dressed up as a red horseshoe.  It was Elrohir; and Rumil walked over to join him.  "Nice legs..."  Elrohir whistled appreciatively as Rumil walked over.  Rumil tried for a coy laugh.  "Why thank you, Elrohir.  That's an interesting costume you have on."  "I'm a magnet."  Orophin, who had joined them asked, "But where does the chicken come in?"  "He's a chick-magnet! Aren't you, Elrohir?"  Rumil exclaimed.  Elrohir nodded proudly.  "And right now, you're the nicest looking chick around, Rumil.  Wanna dance?"  Rumil allowed himself to be pulled away, leaving Orophin on his own.

Legolas had brought Will to the party.  His invitation had specified fancy dress, and he thought it would be a jolly wheeze if he dressed as a pirate, and Will dressed as an elf.  Will had tried to be helpful in getting the costumes ready.  He had gone to the costume shop and bought a pair of pointy ears.  Legolas had all but fainted when he saw them.  “Vulcan ears?”  He squealed.  Will looked puzzled.  “Eh?”  “These are bloody Vulcan ears!”  “Is one set of pointy ears not much the same as another pair of pointy ears?”  Legolas turned crimson.  “One pair of pointy ears – as you put it – is most certainly not the same as another.  Those are nothing like mine!  They’re big and bulky; mine are small and delicate.”  Legolas was practically apoplectic by this point.  The ear incident was just the latest in a long line of arguments.  It not the last time they argued about the ears either.  Legolas had been applying them when Will asked, “Are you sure they’re on right?”  Legolas sighed.  “Yes.  Do you want me to do apply them or not?”  Will shut his mouth.  Both ears were duly attached, but looked rather peculiar.  “That left one…is it supposed to look lumpy like that?”  Will ducked as a hairbrush flew past his head.  “That’s what you get for buying Vulcan ears!”  It was amazing that the couple had made it past their front door – never mind to the party.

Legolas was confused.  So many of the guests had dressed up as James Bond.  Oh!  There was Rumil and Orophin.  Despite Rumil’s knack for causing trouble – not to mention his general uncouthness – Legolas had a very soft spot for him.  Legolas looked Rumil up and down.  Now there was an Elf who looked good in a dress and fishnets.  Lovely legs.  Will appeared beside him and handed him a glass.  Legolas took a sip.  “I asked for champers, darling.”  He said through gritted teeth.  “This is all they had, sweetheart.”  Will replied.  Legolas went back to staring at Rumil.  He narrowed his eyes as he watched Elrohir lead him onto the dance floor and hold him close.  “Will, Orophin’s on his own.  Why don’t you go and talk to him?”  Legolas suggested.  Will took it to be a direction rather than a suggestion and wandered off, relieved to get away from his increasingly irritating partner.  Legolas knocked back his drink and stepped onto the dance floor.  He tapped Elrohir on the shoulder with his wooden cutlass and removed his eyepatch.  “Mind if I cut in?”

“Alright Orophin, mate?  I hope that’s not the communion wine you’re quaffing.”  Orophin turned and saw a beautiful Elf before him, albeit one with slightly wonky ears.  He stared for a moment until recognition kicked in.  “Will?  Great costume!”  Will grinned, “Thanks.  It was his idea.”  He motioned behind him to where Legolas had been standing.  Orophin had noticed Legolas cutting into Rumil and Elrohir’s dance, but chose not to comment.  “How goes it living with Legolas?”  He asked.  Will shuffled his feet.  “Perfect.  Well, perfectly horrible, actually.  When he’s not moaning and complaining, he’s bossing me around and trying to get me to change.  He’s so fussy!  ‘Will – don’t put your feet on the table.  Will – stop feeding Polly sunflower seeds, the shells get everywhere.  Will – stop breathing so loudly.  Will – I want sex now.’  Er…and so on.”  Will blushed, realising that he’d probably said too much.  Orophin gave him a sympathetic smile.  “Yeah, he can be a little grating at times.  I don’t know how you put up with him.”  “I’m moving out.  I haven’t told him yet.  I know I’m a coward, but I’m waiting until he goes to see his dad and then I’m out of there.” 

“Can I have my dance partner back, yet?”  Elrohir tried to pull Rumil away from Legolas.  “No, I am still dancing with him.”  Legolas pulled Rumil back.  “But I asked him first.”  “And then I asked him.”  “But I asked first.”  “But he’s dancing with me now.”  Rumil was entranced – he’d never had anyone fight over him before.  “I’m warning you, blondie – I laid claim to him first.  He’s mine.  I’ll set my chicken on you.”  Elrohir looked menacing.  “Don’t you call me blondie.  At least I’m a proper Elf!”  Legolas snarled back.  Rumil looked overjoyed.  “Right, that’s it.  You’ve asked for this!”  Elrohir strode over to the buffet table and picked up the closest thing to hand.  He walked back over and dumped the bowl of salad dressing over Legolas’ head.  “You animal!  My lovely wig is covered in blue cheese dressing!!”  Legolas ran over to the table where Haldir sat chatting with Glorfindel.  “Hey!  That’s my cheesecake!”  Glorfindel shouted as Legolas grabbed his plate and smooshed the dessert into Elrohir’s face.  Elrohir dived on Legolas, kicking and punching indiscriminately.  Rumil went from delighted to disgusted as the two Elves rolled around, covering each other in food stuffs and generally making fools of themselves.  He went back to his spot with Orophin.  Except Orophin was nowhere to be seen.

Orophin and Will missed most of the fight.  They had snuck out whilst Elrohir and Legolas were still trading insults.  As Rumil searched for his brother, Orophin was hiding in a deserted corridor, passionately kissing Will.  Will broke the kiss first.  “You know, Legolas and I were to be staying here tonight.”  He rummaged around in his pocket.  “And I have the key…”  Orophin kissed his cheek.  “What’s the room number?”  “412.  By the way, what are you wearing under your frock?”  “Race you – if you catch me, you can find out.”

The end

Note: This was mostly written for the September Challenge at the Lothlorien Lover's Group